On My Mind – Principiis – What Counts – 9/9/2018

What Counts

“It is not the critic who counts, nor the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.”

Theodore F. Roosevelt

This is the 4th of my 6 pillars and – as I’ve done with every prior post – I’ll link back to prior entrants:

This is the post that started the series:

http://booksofbrian.com/on-my-mind-principiis-7-28-2018/

I followed that with a post on my 1st Pillar, “IF” by Rudyard Kipling:

http://booksofbrian.com/on-my-mind-principiis-if-7-28-2018/

Next came a post on my 2nd Pillar, “Life A Good Life” by Marcus Aurelius:

http://booksofbrian.com/on-my-mind-principiis-live-a-good-life-7-31-2018/

Most recently, I added a post on my 3rd Pillar, “Six Mistakes Of Man” by Cicero:

http://booksofbrian.com/on-my-mind-six-mistakes-of-man-8-4-2018/

I don’t remember how I came across the “What Counts” quote but – to be honest – it would be hard for anyone who spends time reading about the history of the U.S. not to.  The quote is from a speech Roosevelt delivered on April 23, 1910 in Paris – originally titled “Citizenship In A Republic” but which later came to be know as “The Man In The Arena” speech.  The quote above has been the most durable extract but there were other memorable moments and here’s one:

“The poorest way to face life is to face it with a sneer.  A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticize work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities—all these are marks, not … of superiority but of weakness.”

Roosevelt was speaking to the responsibilities associated with citizenship in a free society and it remains very relevant today within that context.  For me, it is every bit as relevant personally and that relevance is what has always given it a place in my six Pillars.

It speaks to two of the weaknesses I’ve always struggled with – both professionally and personally:  1) the tendency to worry too much about what other people think of me and 2) the fear of failure.  As I’ve aged and gained experienced, it’s been a very helpful reminder of just how damaging those two weaknesses can be.  In so doing, it’s helped me come to terms with and – more often than not – wrestle these two challenges to the ground.

Worrying too much about other peoples’ opinions was a defining challenge for me as a young man and one that’s taken me years to address.  From the day I started Primary School until sometime in my 30’s, I spent far too much time managing my interactions with others based on overblown concerns for the impression my words and actions might generate.  I can’t claim to have been unaware of the impact this weakness was having with respect to my decisions, my conversations and my actions – I was – I simply hadn’t developed the confidence and sense of self required to move past that very small calculation to a point where I was thinking, speaking and acting more on the basis of what I knew to be right.  I was one of those who would spend less time listening during a conversation and more time worrying about what I could / should say to favorably impact other’s perceptions.

Similarly, fear of failure used to be a constant companion for me as a young man – always hanging off my back – forcing me to think more about the downsides and than the upsides of any situation, decision or commitment.  It wasn’t rational – though I was all too willing to couch it within the rubric of perfectionism – something which has, to me, come to represent a warning sign or red flag when dealing with others.  It was an insidious weakness in that it always counseled against reasonable risk and led to closing doors instead of opening them.  Again, this wasn’t rational – it was simply a case of not learning soon enough in life to believe in my capabilities and my strengths and to approach life as an absolutist game where mistakes and failures were forever.

Don’t get me wrong – these weaknesses didn’t define me – there were plenty of times where I was able to beat them back and take chances or find the stregnth required to act and speak in principled ways.  More importantly, the good news is that over time – life and all I’ve done has managed to beat most of this out of me – giving me the perspective I’ve needed to minimize and manage both weaknesses.  I’ve learned that while it’s important to understand what people think of you, it can never be treated as an over-riding consideration.  I’ve learned that the first step is to understand who you are and what you believe.  Once you’ve established that solid foundation, you should understand the opinions and feelings and prejudices of those around you and use them constructively as you speak with them, interact with them, work with them in order to more effectively influence them.  Similarly, the longer you live and the more you fail – and you always will – you come to learn that failure is a necessary and unavoidable aspect of a life well lived.  Introspective failure allows you to learn, helps you become stronger, encourages you to believe in the ability to fail forward and it teaches you that the important question is not “what if I fail” but “what’s next if I do” or “how can I do this better”.

That brings me to the importance of this Pillar and why it’s always with me.  Life provides context and strength and growth but it never banishes weaknesses.  They’re always there and always willing to re-assert themselves.  If you truly know yourself and you do possess a reasonable measure of introspection, you’ll always be conscious of that risk.  Having “What Counts” always with me serves as a reminder of what I’ve learned the hard way, allows me to recognize when I’m at risk of allowing these weaknesses to affect me, to smile at them, put them in perspective and move forward in a better and more satisfying way.